Schön Amore
by NekoLori
Summary: Ludwig Beilschmidt lives a tough life in the world of Nazi Germany, and a strange boy named Feliciano Vargas has turned into his escape from reality.
1. Treffen

When I began my life I was ignorant. Ignorance to my surroundings was the most amazing sense of peace anyone could ever achieve. To be a child in the after math of WW1 wasn't desirable, but my family were in a very good position, as my father, Heinz Beilschmidt was a member of the Reichstag, I can hardly remember the name of his party anymore, but he eventually switched to Nazis. We had no choice after all.

I was 12 when I realised my parents weren't as around as normal parents should be, and that my older brother Gilbert and my cousin - who was the same as Gilbert - Julia would take care of me and Monica (Julia's little sister, she's my age) as much as they could at such a young age. I grew up determined to make my parents as proud as I could have, Monica shared these ideals, and yet me and her were not as close as me and Gilbert.

Gilbert was an amazing brother, he cooked for me and made sure I was at school on time and took me home, he used his own savings to buy me books and clothes... when he had money. Recently we both joined the Hitler Youth, we don't have much money but our parents often leave us a lot of money in a small pot we have to distribute throughout a week, only sometimes did we have some left overs to save for an emergency.

I am Ludwig Beilschmidt, the last Beilschmidt son as of yet and I am a part of Nazi Germany, soon to be a Soldier for my country.  
 _And I never predicted the day this would happen to me._

I was on patrol with the HY, the regular stuff we do, I was 15 at the time. Suddenly our patrol leader said we were set to beat a load of Edelweiss Pirates that had decided to graffiti over the Nazi symbols. It was a regular occurrence, the Edelweiss would do something against the law, we'd run in to stop them, a fight would break out, the Edelweiss would disappear. It was obviously quite annoying. This time they were hanging around the back of the railway, I heard the beat of music when we were nearing the area, the English words were slightly familiar to me, but I didn't care to make them out. The smell of paint was fairly strong by the time we crossed the rails. The Edelweiss were gathered around, some of them dancing to the tunes of an old radio, others smiling and chatting, and lastly they were painting on the walls, different words and the Edelweiss symbols. They were graceful if you saw them in a different light, their words were simple but in these times they meant a lot more than I realised, and the elegance of the dancing, the way they held each other and span, the swaying skirts of the girls, the grinning on the faces of the younger members, all of it was beautifully calm. That was until one of them spotted us and cried out to the others.

And suddenly the calm grace had left their dancing, and what replaced it was metal pipes and small planks of wood. We were launched into a war of our own, the Edelweiss shouted to each other and shouted at us, one of them threw me down into the mud, going to punch me in the face, I used my arm to block it and elbowed him in the stomach, the radio music was faint in the background, and the angry German voices were jumbled in my mind...

As I was about to get up, someone tripped over me and stumbled. "Merda!" The boy called out, that word was certainly NOT German and not anything I recognised. I stared at the boy with the radio in his hands, he was fairly scrawny, a light brown mop on his head that was covered in mud, a few bruises up his arms and down his legs, and glossy brown eyes that stared back at me. The boy gave me a thumbs up and a grin before sprinting off again. I could only stare at him go, weaving through the crowds with the radio clutched to his chest like his most prized possession. In those five seconds between him tripping and him running away, I would never have realised the kind of world that had just opened up in front of me, and I don't think the boy did either.


	2. Incontro

Today was a day at home, for once. I couldn't get the last encounter with the Edelweiss out of my head. The boy with the brown mop of hair and the bright grin stood out in my memory like a needle that constantly pierced your skin. It wasn't really unpleasant, it was confusing... how was he so pleased? I didn't understand it. To make matters worse, every time I zoned out of talking with my brother he'd pinch my forearms.

Which is what he just did.

"GILBERT!" I yelled and slapped his hand away. Gilbert chuckled, my older brother was pure evil. His eyes were the colour of blood and his hair the colour of untouched snow, and it feathered across his forehead like fluffy wool. His pale skin was dotted with scars, each of which had deep detailed stories behind them. He was due to join the army to fight in the war, despite the distaste my cousin showed in the idea. Julchen, or rather, Julia had very strong ideas towards war and Germany. Julia was very much like Gilbert, the only differences was that Julia had a weird mix of purple and blueish eyes, slightly less pale skin and wasn't a massive pervert. However they were both vain and continuously called themselves 'awesome'.

Monica was my favourite cousin. She had sandy blonde hair and piercing blue eyes that stared at you blankly, and sometimes with judgement. She was a very intelligent girl. Like Julia she was uncomfortable with the way women were taught.

My parents are ones of pride, Katinka Beilschmidt, my mother, married for the element of money and honour, since my father, Heinz Beilschmidt was a soldier in the First World War, then becoming a politician. My father married Katinka because of her aryan beauty, blonde hair and blue eyes. My father is now a Military General, and my mother sleeps all day, and does nothing for us.

So we do it all ourselves. Gilbert and Julia run around all day doing the washing, cleaning and cooking while me and Monica go to our forced clubs. Sometimes we got to stay at home for a full day, and on those days everything would stop and we would go out together, as our own little family. Back to reality.

"Pay attention silly boy." Gilbert scoffed. Julia strode into the room with a picnic basket hanging from her arm, and Monica behind her with yet another basket. Gilbert and I gave them both strange looks.

"Don't look at me like that blowout!" Julia growled. "We are going to have a nice picnic!" She grinned with all her teeth on show. Monica didn't look as enthusiastic. Gilbert shook his head.

"I am not having a picnic, it's too hot." He said, as if that would make Julia shut up. Julia calmly put the basket on Monica's other arm and walked to Gilbert, and this moment will forever be pressed in my mind, and I can giggle about it when I have nothing else to laugh at. Julia pulled Gilbert up from the sofa roughly by the wrist, and punched him square on the nose, he stumbled backward and yelled out in pain, covering his nose with his hands.

"We're having a picnic." Julia said with a slight song in her voice. Gilbert swore quite loud behind her and she just rolled her eyes, taking the basket from Monica and walking out.

And so we had a picnic, Julia had made cakes and sandwiches and all things healthy, but we didn't eat in a park, we ate in the middle of an abandoned factory. Julia and Gilbert had played here as kids with Katinka and Julia's mother. It was a fairly special place to us, after our parents all stopped bothering with caring for us unless it was of the upmost importance, we played here everyday. Julia wasn't the greatest at making food, but we were able to keep it down at least. She never ever usually cooks and makes us eat it, generally Monica or Gilbert would make food that didn't need a cooker... so basically salad.

"Ludwig I forgot the pudding, go back home and get it...?" Julia smiled sweetly, I didn't exactly want to become like Gilbert, so I did as told without complaint. Home wasn't that far away anyway. It was just a walk over the rails... the rails were I saw the weird non German boy, it was rare to see someone who wasn't German, our 'leader' believed that Aryan pure blooded Germans were the master race, Aryans like myself.

What language even was that? Girls were taught language, maybe I should ask Monica.

" _Sento la nostalgia d'un passato, dove la mamma mia ho lasciato. Non ti potrò scordar casetta mia, in questa notte stellata la mia serenata io canto per te~_ " a light voice suddenly burst out, a fair while away, another language I didn't know. I had always been told by Julia that curiosity killed the cat, but since I had no idea what was being said, my curiosity took over and I followed the voice till I rounded the corner, seeing the familiar runty boy sitting by the rails, the foreign music pouring from his mouth. I watched him for a while, trying to work out the language. He was an Edelweiss Pirate, so it could be anything at all. It sounded a little bit Spanish, I'd heard Julia try and teach Monica Spanish before, it was similar.

"It's creepy to watch people and say nothing." The boy said, without even looking behind him. I jumped out of my skin, widening my eyes at him.

"How did you know I was here?" I said slightly surprised.

"I could feel your eyes on my head," He turned his head, his light brown eyes smiling along with his lips. "So, mister creep, what's your deal eh?" The boy's eyebrow went up.

"I don't know your language, I saw you the other day. What language is it?" He was silent for a few minutes, just looking at me with that grin. "Is it Spanish?" The grin dropped.

"It's Italian... what's your name?"

"I'm Ludwig Beilschmidt."

"Feliciano Vargas."


	3. Réunion

The next few parts of my life would be the most life changing and most adventurous things I would ever do.

Feliciano Vargas seemed to enjoy speaking, and I didn't mind listening to him, he had a voice that held so much emotion you could listen to him for hours and hours on end (even if he was stuck repeating the same word).

When he spoke different words in his mother tongue it fascinated me. I wish I could understand at some points, but we spoke for hours on end.

"Why is an Italian in Germany?" I finally asked after a while, the question had been itching in my brain for ages.

"Well, mama said it was time we had some adventurous opportunity, so my padre said we should move to Germany, which we did a long while ago! We've been here for many years~" How had I not noticed this boy in my entire life, and he's been here for so long. Feliciano looked up at the slightly darker sky and gasped.

"What is it?" The boy looked around frantically and picked up a satchel bag, throwing it over his shoulder.

"Mama hates it when I'm late home for dinner." Feliciano smiled. "I'd like to talk with you again, Ludwig."

"Then I'll come here again tomorrow morning." I decided, despite the fact I had school, I could always leave this one time, to speak to this little Italian.

"LUDWIG WHERE DID YOU GO?" Julia bellowed. I flinched and half glared at her.

"I met a friend on the way and was lost in conversation, it doesn't matter."

"Doesn't matter?" Julia scowled. "I MADE THE MOST FABULOUS PUDDING HOW COULD YOU JUST DISAPPEAR I WAS SO WORRIED!"

"Don't make my horrible mother awaken, Julia." Gilbert snapped.

"She's my aunt I know what she's like, unfortunately I have to live around you." Julia retorted. "And anyway, Katinka is at a party, a very special party as she said."

"Isn't she always?" Gilbert huffed, again the bad relationship with our parents strikes again. Katinka Beilschmidt was a very difficult woman, she didn't want to care about children and would rather do her own thing.

Not very motherly at all. She was a typical aryan, always tied her hair in a tight bun, icy blue eyes and a very thin body. I had never had a day where I just sat with Katinka and spoke, she only graced us with her presence when she was upset or drunk.

Even our father stayed away from us, Heinz Beilschmidt was always working in his study that was off limits to anyone else unless it was an emergency. I hadn't seen him in a few years, but I heard him shouting at Katinka sometimes, and boy did she shout back.

I have no idea what happened between them and Gilbert, but it tore us apart as a small family unit. None of us dared to ask what had happened, I doubt even Julia knew.

Feliciano was fixed in my mind. He was so scrawny, but there was something interesting about him. I needed to know more about him, he mentioned his family, but I knew nothing about them. However he was an Edelweiss and as a member of the Hitler Youth...

Did I really want to wind up in the world of Feliciano Vargas?

Feliciano was there in the morning, sitting by the rails. He was dressed a bit nicer however, his clothes looked fresh.

"Buongiorno Ludwig~" He smiled up at me.

"What does that mean?" I asked.

"It means good morning or good day."

"Good morning Feliciano."

"It wasn't exactly good." Feliciano sighed. "See, I was going to go to the Swing with Lovino tonight, but mama needed help with the washing and papa needs help writing a letter to Grandpa Roma, so I said I'd help to tonight and Lovino shouted at me."

"Who is Lovino?"

"My twin... we have a very large family. See, you have our parents, mama, papa, uncle Antonio, who isn't really our uncle but he is sweet and we adore him like an uncle, Grandpa Roma who is mama's papa, and then you have us~ Lovino is slightly older than me, so he is the oldest son, I am his twin, and we have the other twins, Alice and Chiara, who are a few years younger than us."

"I see." I nodded, I on the other hand merely has Gilbert, Monica and Julia, Feliciano had a very tight knitted family. I did want to know about his family, I do now I guess.

"What about you Ludwig?" Feliciano said curiously.

"Well, my parents aren't very... they aren't around. So my brother and cousin are our elders, Gilbert and Julchen Beilschmidt, they look after us all. Me and Monica just tend to sit around and not really do much..." I trailed off, there was nothing more to say about my family.

"You can be part of my extended family." Feliciano said after a while, I stared at him.

"What do you mean?"

"Well we have Uncle Antonio who isn't related to us, you can be part of us as well~ that means that whenever you are in trouble, upset or anything like that, you can rely on me!" His grin was bright and hopeful, and it lit up his face.

"Alright then..." I shrugged and frowned slightly. "What's your blood family like?"

"Lovino can be difficult... but he cares a lot, he had the temper of mama; Mama is someone you should mess with... papa is very relaxed about everything, Chiara is a lot like Lovino, and Alice is very energetic and brave... Grandpa Roma is very nice as well~ and Antonio is very sweet and caring, he looked after me and Lovino when mama and papa had to work all day and all night to buy us food."

"Ah, I see." The rest of the day was spent in a strange sort of silence, a comfortable one. Sometimes Feliciano would sing and I would listen, despite not understanding Italian at all. Sometimes he would talk about a story his mother had read him. Mainly stories by Oscar Wilde... most non-German books weren't around now, not here at least.

Feliciano spoke highly of one story in particular... 'The Devoted Friend', which was about 'the real meaning of friendship' I had never personally heard of Oscar Wilde nor these stories the boy spoke so highly of... it was the passion in his eyes when he spoke about such things that held me in awe of him. His beauty was my weakness as it seems.

"-Why I joined the Edelweiss!" I tuned in at the end of his sentence and mentally cursed. "So come to the Swing Movement tonight!"

"The what?" I blinked and scowled at him.

"The Swing Club." Feliciano grinned brightly. "You'll love it just come with me~"


	4. Cruinniú

That was the blasted day I met Lovino Vargas. Feliciano led me to a small forgotten looking road, I seem to remember walking down here on a patrol with the Hitler Youth, it was a mainly foreign street, and today, since it was sunny everyone was outside.

Including the arse of a man, Lovino. He had darker hair to Feli, a more moody expression and darker eyes I suppose. However he had a few small similarities to Feliciano, such as the innocent look when he wasn't paying attention... pretty much it really.

The boy was sitting on the wall outside of a house, a very well kept house with a front garden rich with colourful flowers. Behind the boy a younger girl sat watering one of the flower beds while another girl was speaking in the same language Feliciano spoke. Lovino got up as soon as he saw his twin brother, quickly walking to him before we reached the house.

"Feli, who is this?" Lovino hissed. Feliciano tutted and shook his head.

"Ludwig, this is Lovino Vargas my twin brother. Lovino, this is my friend Ludwig Beilschmidt." Lovino glared up at me, said something in Italian and looked back at Feli. "We're all going swing together." Lovino looked as if he was going to explode.

"You're bringing this bastardo to Swing!"

"Lovi you just met him." Feliciano pouted. "Just don't be rude ok? Otherwise I'll tell mama." Lovino immediately silenced. Was their mother really strict? Did she not know about their outside of home activities? That they were Edelweiss and part of this 'Swing' stuff? Feliciano smiled and turned back around, Lovino and me quickly following behind.

It felt so different to be in a crowd like this. These were other teenagers like us, all dancing with the same goal in mind; rebellion. The Swing Feliciano talked about with a type of music. It was modernised and mixed with American, the words I couldn't understand through my ears, but I could understand them in the way people moved in reaction to it.

Skirts were flying, smiles shining, heels tapping, it was a dance of pure happiness for everyone here. Lovino and Feliciano's faces lit up at the sight. Lovino went straight for a stand of drinks, probably alcoholic drinks. Feliciano's excitement became an infectious aura around him.

"Ludwig, welcome to the Swing Club~" Feliciano grinned. "It's a musical mix of Jazz, in English, with dancing and rebellious fashion. And where most of the Edelweiss here chill down at the end of the week... like me and Lovi."

"Hm." Was all I could say really, I was too busy watching the graceful dancing. In all my years I had never seen something so majestic or peaceful. I felt as if I slightly understood why my mother preferred to be at social parties instead of be with us, it was as if all troubles and worry about the war just disappeared.

Lovino walked back with three drinks, handing one to each of us. Feliciano sipped a small bit of it, whereas Lovino took a huge gulp. I had no idea what it was, it was a clear red with a strange aroma, cherries maybe? No certainly pomegranate...

"Well bastardo? You gonna drink that?" Lovino snapped. After a small hesitation I lifted the glass to my lips and sipped. I needed to learn my fruits, because this tasted like none of them, but it was amazing.

"Lovino only one today, otherwise mama will know." Feliciano spoke and raised his eyebrow, Lovino huffed a reply and walked off again, Feliciano's eyes watched him with a shake of his head.

"Is your mother very strict?" I managed to push out of my mouth. Feliciano looked up at me like I was crazy as all hell, and shook his head very fast.

"Anything but, mama is a very lovely woman. We all love her very much... so we never want to upset her."

"What's her name?"

"Debora Vargas. What about your mother?"

Silence.

"Katinka Beilschmidt." I said after a strange look from the Italian. "She is a very difficult mother." I didn't bother to add the normal things we said when the family described Katinka; but we love her very much. Because it was a lie. I hardly felt a glimmer of affection for my mother, as she did for me.

"She sounds lovely." Feliciano probably said out of politeness, a smile gracing his face as ever. I wondered how someone could be so happy. It was truly amazing to be around Feliciano, he had the soul of a Saint.

Feliciano grabbed my wrist suddenly, and pulled me into the mass of dancers. I had no idea how to dance like they did. I heard Lovino shout something to Feliciano, in Italian, for once he didn't sound very angry or moody, but like he was laughing. Feliciano weaved himself into the crowds and started to dance himself. He was as elegant, maybe even more so than any of the girls here.

I myself had no idea how to dance. All I knew to do with my feet was walk, run, march. No dancing. I'd seen Gilbert dance, I'd seen Julia dance, on the toes of our parents when me and Monica could hardly even count to ten.

But those days never came for me. And right now was hardly the time to be stepping on other people's feet.

So I watched Feli spin and move and slide all over the place in a somehow synchronised pattern to everyone around him, it looked so rehearsed but I knew it was completely natural for them all.

Lovino soon joined him, a bit sloppier than Feliciano, but still matching his speed. Happiness seemed so close to me at that very moment in time, I was just too down to earth to appreciate or even reach out for it. Too young, too naive, too blind to what was dancing right in front of me despite following his every move.

Too blind to reach for what I had. Too stiff to dance with the crowd.


	5. Eltern

It had been months since I met him. I had seen him almost everyday now. He was now a part of my life I could never take away.

I didn't want to take him away from my life. So many doors opened up, the door into my own personality. From talking with Feliciano I felt as if I understood myself more. But how? It obviously wasn't that I discovered anything new about myself, perhaps it was that Feliciano was very wise and very happy about life, despite the country he currently lived in was at war with the rest of the world.

Did he even care? What was his opinion? He wasn't agreeing with Nazi views if he was part if Edelweiss and the Swing clubs, so what did he think about this country? About me and the Hitler Youth...

"OI!" Gilbert snapped. His eyes were puffy. Today had exploded.

For once, I heard Katinka leave her room and go to the kitchen, I was in my room, but I knew with dread in my heart that Gilbert was also in the kitchen. I heard muttered words at first, and then an argument fired up. Julia had burst out her room and her footsteps stormed down the stairs. I didn't dare even think of exiting my room, I was safe here in my room.

The yelling began to get quieter, Katinka's voice was all that was left.

"Why did my first son have to favour a man instead of a woman? Why are you such a disgrace Gilbert! Why have you betrayed us?" Katinka cried.

Suddenly a smash sound, and someone walking up the stairs. It was Katinka of course. You could feel the already tense atmosphere tighten.

"Gilbert-"

"You need to go outside, a certain someone is calling for you." He left the room. It must be Feliciano calling. I glanced out the window to confirm, only to be surprised with the face of Roderich Edelstein. An Austrian boy with quite the rich family. He played piano with amazing expertise. Roderich only cared to visit when it benefitted him.

So now I wonder why he's here. I pulled up the window and shouted down to him.

"Roderich! What is it you want?" The boy looked up, and he didn't look too happy.

"I have hurt my fingers!" He yelled. "Assist me!" I rolled my eyes. All he wanted was medical help, so he comes to me? Me and not a doctor. Well done Roderich. Skipping down the stairs and unlocking the door, I noticed a new ring on one of Roderich's fingers, but no injury.

"What happened?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Nothing, I came for a social call." Roderich rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Roderich what is it you want?"

"That's rude. That's the reason I didn't say social call! I am innocent of wanting any favour from you Ludwig." Roderich huffed and crossed his arms.

"Alright then social call, what's with the ring?" I nodded at his hand, Roderich lifted his fingers and the ring glimmered in the light of the morning.

"A congratulations present from Liz."

"Congratulations for what?" Roderich blinked a few times and shrugged.

"It was many years ago she gave it to me, around the time we first met Gilbert." Liz and Roderich, or rather Elizabeta and Roderich were the same age as Gilbert and had met him at school, but Elizabeta wasn't around anymore. Once the Nazis had taken over the government her family had returned to Hungary. As far as I knew, she sent regular letters. She was very sisterly and protective especially of Roderich, I wondered how he survived without her.

Gilbert thought she was a boy when they had first met as children, and only when they turned thirteen did he finally realise and accept the fact she was of the opposite gender.

"How is she?"

"Liz... I haven't heard from her in several months now." Roderich stared out the window and scowled. Once someone disappeared, no one spoke if what could have happened to them. It would be harrowing if it happened to someone as sweet as Liz.

"Ah, well how have you been lately?"

"I need to talk to Gilbert." That was odd... most of the time Roderich hated talking to Gilbert because every time they saw each other Gilbert would go out of his way to annoy the other boy.

"I thought this was a social call?"

"I finished socialising." Roderich tutted and walked up the stairs, knowing his way around already. As he walked up the stairs, the old pictures caught my eye. They were a small history of the family. The first being of Heinz is military uniform, the second of Katinka and him in their wedding clothes. Katinka was beautiful, it was difficult to argue that she wasn't. Her smile lit up the entire picture, the jewels that adorned her neck, hands and wrists were glittering gems, but the picture was in black and white. The next picture was of Katinka and Heinz again, but this time with Gilbert and Julia as four year olds I think. Around the time I was born. And the third picture was all of us together, including Julia's and Monica's parents... they died some years after the photo was taken.

In the photo, you could see Gilbert standing a bit away from Katinka, as if shying away from her gaze. The last picture was of Gilbert in a uniform, but the glass was cracked to the point the picture was barely visible. It made me wonder what had happened this morning, and was Gilbert... gay? I hardly understood what the word meant, other than the negativity pushed towards it.

It would explain why Heinz looked ashamed of Gilbert whenever they were near each other. It would explain so much.

"Ludwig." A shiver went down my back as I turned my head up the stairs, and locked eyes with familiar blue eyes. They were cold, hard and like iron as they held my gaze. Her golden hair was loose and tumbled across her shoulders. Her elegant face looked tired, she moved her eyes to the smashed glass over Gilbert's picture. Her eyes softened for a minute, a smile twitching at her lips, before her eyes met mine again and became hard.

"Ludwig, what are you doing?" She asked, yawning at the end of her sentence.

"I was just... looking at the family pictures." I said, looking away from her. I heard her light footsteps padding down the stairs, stopping just before she reached me.

"I'll get a photographer to take another one once G... once your brother joins the army. In his uniform, he'll look like a real man. And you in your Hitler Youth uniform, Heinz will be so proud of you Ludwig." Katinka's voice held hardly any emotion as she slipped past me and span her self around the end of the banister, spinning into the kitchen.

I knew it wasn't wise to ask her any questions, so I decided to leave her to her own devices. Monica appeared at the top of the stairs, it must be a very popular way to appear in this house, at the top of the stairs. A question hung over her face, I could only guess it was aren't you going to say something? So I shook my head. She nodded and turned away from the stairs.

I hadn't seen Feliciano all day... my heart lurched at the image of him in my mind. I had been noticing my heart doing that lately, and I wasn't stupid. Julia used to read me love novels when I could hardly read myself, I just found it hard to understand.

 _I love a man._

 _Is this what it is to be gay?_

 _What will my parents say..._


End file.
